A Whole Lot To Offer

Scene one: My mom and I are venturing out on our first day in Boston. I've lived in the city for about five hours now and come to a spot in the road where there is a cop directing traffic. Is there an accident? No. Is there congestion? No. We look around. What could the cop be out in the street directing traffic for?The Whole Foods Market. Apparently the shopper's need to use taxpayers dollars to have a police officer sit outside Whole Foods 12 hours a day to ensure that their organic tofu doesn't have to wait an extra 45 seconds in the car because they had to yield to the fellow BMW's that grace Newtonville. The agony. I swear off Whole Foods.

Scene Two: I have to pee. We're past the pee pee dance. I'm seconds away from making yellow snow in Boston. Kim and I run to Whole Foods in Brookline. And can't find the freaking bathroom. It's not in all the usual predictable bathroom places. I'm in tears. We wait IN LINE to ask someone where the bathroom is. It's in a sketchy corner behind the seafood counter. Which smells. Like rotting meat. I almost vomit as I learn that while I may not have self control when it comes to The Gap, my bladder has amazing restraint. I swear off Whole Foods once more.

Scene Three: I'm driving home tonight not wanting to cook, but wanting to have a hot body for Spring Break. The only quick takeout near me is pizza since the Northeast still has no concept of drive-thrus. I spot the Whole Foods. I think about the possibility of a deli section with healthy alternatives to grease with a side of pepperoni. I turn in. And embrace the vegans. I had the best meal under nine dollars. Two slices of roasted herb turkey, a mountain of a helping of homemade mashed potatoes, a black cherry natural soda, and the topper: a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin for tomorrow morning. After two swearing off sessions, Whole Foods has won my heart. I guess the third time really is the charm.